SCAC Odyssey 104 (Part 3: Three Trains, Two Crap Beers, One Santa Butt Plug)

Amsterdam to Groningen (via Rotterdam)…

Santa & his ???

Armed with my two cans of beer I jumped onto the Fyra (the fast train to Rotterdam). Jupiler is pretty crap beer – it tastes like a can of Stella that’s well past it’s sell by date but if it’s cold and you’re already half pished it goes down easily enough. The Fyra is the best way to travel from Amsterdam and Rotterdam: after Schiphol it is non-stop the entire way, saves around 30 minutes on the standard rail journey and is rarely overcrowed and it only costs an extra €3.30. I barely had enough time to scoop my two cans of Jupiler before the train manager announced that we were approaching Rotterdam.

I arrived before my mate and went for an uninspiring walk around the block then chucked some Euros into the takeaway food flaps that Dutch cities seem to like so much. After I’d munched may way through what appeared to be a cheap Findus crispy pancake and a burger topped with prawn cocktail sauce my mate arrived. He said that there was something he wanted to show me that was only a few blocks into town. It was a pleasant sunny day and the hourly train was almost an hour away so off we set. After 10 or 15 minutes we reached our destination and I was greeted by what can only be described as a pretty huge (approx 25 foot tall) statue of Santa Claus proudly holding a butt plug for all to behold. Even if the rest of the journey turned out to be a total disaster that one moment would still render it an overall success!

We dilly dallied too much on the way back to the station and consequently had to run for the train without having the opportunity to purchase any beer for the journey. My mate had bought the train tickets and it materialised that he’d bought Weekendretours, which meant we weren’t permitted to travel until after 7pm on the Friday – almost 3 hours after we’d boarded. Ah well, if you’ve got the wrong ticket you may as well go the whole hog and take a comfy seat in first class. Thankfully, we never say a conductor all the way up to Amersfoot where we had to change trains. The connecting train was running late so my mate seized the opportunity to nip the station shop and buy some beer. He returned with six cans of Amstel, which had cost him a whopping €10. I’m not a fan of Amstel but when it’s cold and you’re half pished it goes down easily enough.

We were still well before our permitted time of travel but had no desire to hang around Amersfoot for 90 minutes so we boarded the train but this time we decided to play it low-key and take a seat in second class. A few minutes after the train departed the conductor walked towards us but instead of asking to see our tickets he just smiled and said hallo and walked on by. We relaxed and enjoyed our Amstel as much as we possibly could. Shortly after 7pm we arrived in the lovely northern city of Gronigen. We took a taxi to the hotel and after a quick shower and a change of clothes we were ready to head out in search of food, beer and Slim Cessna’s Auto Club…


~ by landells on June 7, 2012.

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